It was the 5th of October, my due date. I had been in my “labour tunnel” (avoiding any stressful programmes, news etc and just relaxing) for 2 ½ weeks and was feeling like I had done well, I was feeling dopey – full of endorphins and hopefully oxytocin, I had lots of signs, but nothing was actually happening, so as M and I settled down to bed that evening I was feeling disappointed that I would be going overdue. It was about 10:45, we laid in bed and chatted, I was complaining how I felt nothing would happen and that I would probably end up having to be induced like last time. I was getting the familiar scrabbling feelings at my pelvis, prod prod prod, so I was ignoring them, then… prod, prod, pop, pop. I lay there looking wide eyed at M as I felt like someone had just emptied a warm bucket of water over my legs. M grabbed a towel and I moved to sit on the loo, while the waters just kept coming. Fidget was asleep in the room next door so we quietly discussed what we needed to do. I remembered that I had to call the birthing suite if my waters broke, but in my head I also thought that waters breaking wasn’t necessarily a sign that anything was going to happen right away. We called the birthing suite, the midwife said to come in if contractions got to 5 mins apart but if nothing happened by 1 in the morning to give them another call. I hadn’t had any contractions, so I said to the midwife “what if I am asleep?” she sounded a bit amused and said “perhaps set an alarm”. M went downstairs to call his parents to come up from Bournemouth to look after Fidget. While he was downstairs I had my first contraction, I used the breathing techniques learnt at active birthing and it was fine, very manageable. At this point I was feeling really cheery to have a contraction and feeling that I really could do this.
We got some final things into the hospital bag and moved downstairs. Another contraction came which M took a note of the time and put High Society on DVD and went to make some sandwiches. As this contraction ended, the back pain did not and I was struggling to get comfortable again. M returned, another contraction started, M looked at the time, I started to feel concerned and asked “how far apart was that?” he said “well it wasn’t less than 5 minutes…it was 5 minutes”, I said we needed to get to the hospital, which of course we did, but beyond what the midwife had said I had my first feelings that this was all happening quite quickly. M went next door to ask Karen to come round until his parents arrived, while he was gone I had another contraction and leant over a chair. He returned helped me into my trousers. Karen arrived – I was having another contraction, kneeling infront of the sofa, she helped me into the hall where M was putting the bags in the car – another contraction. They helped me into the car – another contraction. M had had time to heat the wheat pack so that was behind my lower back, but there hadn’t been time to attach the tens machine. As he pulled out of the drive I was scared, I tried to keep calm with my breathing, but the contractions were now non stop. It was 11:40. M drove carefully but with as much speed as he could, the roads were quiet but there were so many red lights. I clung with both hands to the over-door handle, it was hard to relax. As each contraction subsided the next was right behind it. In my head I was going over the birth story of my friend who did give birth to her second child in the car on the way to hospital. She had worn a skirt, which did help her pull her baby out and onto her chest. I kept thinking “why didn’t I wear a skirt!?!” as now in my head I was clear what was happening, our baby was coming fast. We had talked about fast labours in class, how they could be violent and painful, but of course a blessing for being so short. Being certain it was a fast labour, and the breathing, helped me keep “a lid on it”. I couldn’t have done it, thinking the contractions could last for 13 hours or something similar. The drive was scary though, but whenever I panicked and started to get a bit hysterical I would just say “relax” or “calm down” and M would remind me of my breathing and I would immediately feel myself coming back to a better head place.
At the turning off the ringroad to Southmead, I knew I was going through transition, it was harder and harder to stay calm, but also my noises changed and I heard myself “mooing”. M heard it too and recognised the noise.
I felt our daughter move down and yelled out “she’s coming!!”. I clung tighter to the handle as M took the corner. From this point we kept hitting red lights, but at each I said quite firmly “M, go through this light” and he clenched his jaw and drove. We passed a policeman and I considered asking M to stop so we could find out if he knew how to deliver a baby!
We arrived at the delivery suite entrance at 12 midnight and M drove to the nearby carpark, but she was so low now, I just yelled “do NOT park here, I cannot walk!!!!” So he drove into the ambulance bay, came round and got me out. I clung to his neck but couldn’t move. He tried to get me back in the car so he could get help, but I wouldn’t move. I was terrified our baby would be born there in the gutter and I could see the lights behind the delivery suite doors so close by. I was very lucid and decided that I had to make as much noise as possible to get someone to help us, so I clung to M and yelled and screamed. A midwife popped her head out and asked if we needed help. M said “yes” and she ran out with a wheelchair. I think she thought I was being hysterical, but M said he explained what was happening and she too got a sense of urgency about her. M had to park the car. I have few visual memories of the birth from this point, but a very strong one is zooming in the wheelchair towards the lit doors, them opening and going straight up a ramp and into room 11 which was directly opposite the doors. Two midwifes took an arm each to lift me from the chair. I knew they would have to examine me so I would have to go on the bed, I called out “I don’t want to lie on my back, it will be too painful”, so they helped me onto my right side and out of my trousers and pants. I am not sure how long it took M to get back as from this point my eyes were closed, but he soon had hold of my left leg. As I got on the bed I felt that I had such a strong sense of what was happening but if they examined me and said “oh you are going really well you are 7cm” or something that I would collapse, that I would loose it. However, as soon as I raised my leg, the midwife said “you can push now!”
(M had parked the car close by and run back with the bags, he said he remembered the tight security from last time, but here someone was waiting at the door for him, as he ran past they slapped a sticker on him and pointed at rm 11.)
They had no time to read my birth plan, which I entirely understand, and much of it by this point was irrelevant. They offered me pain relief, which I would have preferred them not to, as at this point my resolve was getting weak. I grabbed the gas and air but used it only to bite on really through the few following contractions and pushes. I was feeling very lucid, very fit and awake. I felt as in control of myself as I could be. I felt so relieved to have a professional telling me what to do with the pushing and I was able to respond very competently. Each push was as effective as it could have been, I bit down and just got on with it. When she said blow, I blew, when she said push I pushed. As the head crowned I remembered from one of my books that you are supposed to relax and stop pushing to help prevent tearing. So at this point I commented that “it stings abit”, I heard the midwife laugh and say “that’s probably an understatement dear”.
I don’t remember how many contractions it took, about 3 or 4 I would guess. The head was out, and I had forgotten about the shoulders so was surprised by the worse “stinging”. Then she was out, and into my arms. It was 12:14. She was really beautiful, with the recognisable features and black hair of Fidget.
Things were still happening quite fast (our midwife had been pulled out from another slower delivery), so as we gazed at our daughter I did not see the midwife coming with the injection for speeding up the 3rd stage. I had wanted a natural 3rd stage and to leave the cord to pulsate, but as I said there had been no time to read the plan and I didn’t have time to tell her to stop. The midwife said she was disappointed when she later saw my birth plan as she was trying to persuade her other lady to have a natural 3rd stage.
My legs were shaking, but the placenta was out quickly. I had a few stitches there and then, this is something I had said I would prefer if I did tear. Finally I was able to feed her. She went on really well and fed off both sides for ages.
M ran a bath for me, and while I was shaky I was surprised at how fit I still felt, and how strong I was in my legs. The fast birth had been scary, the thought of giving birth in the car on our own in the middle of the night was just too much, it had been very painful with no time to recover, but I was in no doubt it was a “golden ticket” ie that I was very lucky and had been given a great opportunity for a good birth. I was however also aware, that I could have turned it into a sludgy brown ticket, by loosing my head and not coping with the fear and pain. I feel that the active birth classes really helped me to make the most of that golden ticket, by understanding what was happening to my body and having tools and resources to cope and get through it.
I wouldn’t change my birth story, and I wouldn’t change our gorgeous, perfect little girl.
Fidget is enjoying playing with her and is always pleased to find her awake.
I think I look a bit tired, suppose it is not surprising...
Fidget enjoyed playing with Grandpa and Daddy, particularly a fab game of follow the leader on the far deck...
I wish I had more time to play with her as she is super fun.
Fun with Wa-wa is a little more sedate, but when she is awake, she is very keen to look about.
On Saturday we gave Wa-wa her first bath, she wasn't that impressed, though we all sang to her and she seemed to like that. Fidget was very helpful, washing and singing to her baby sister.
On Tuesday Wa-wa was 1 week old so I took some pics...
Here is Fidget at the same age...
To me they both look very similar, and often when I am feeding Wa-wa it is the weirdest sense of deja-vu.
Granny & Grandpa left on Tuesday night, so you might wonder how I have time to blog. Well Fidget is still in nursery on a Wednesday and Thursday, to minimise disruption to her and give me timw with Wa-wa. At the moment, Wa-wa's chosen use of that time is to feed alot, and sleep. Most of her sleeping she wants to do on me, so I haven't much chance of using the time to nap myself, so blogging with one hand or watching daytime tv it is. I suppose it is not too strenuous, but it is hard not to think of my lovely comfy bed and duvet upstairs.
