Week 36 - Tier 3

 

Blogger is insisting on loading my photos for this week in reverse order and it is driving me slightly insane as I really don't want to spend any time on my laptop. 

Anyway, so...

Saturday (yesterday) 

was a really nice day. We got up and Mark made us pancakes then he and Bunnykins went over to the park to meet Jason and M. The two girls were re-creating parkrun.  I went over to meet Ben. Ben and I had a wander around and cheered the girls on as they passed. We then sat a good while chatting until we got too cold in the damp chilly air. 

Mark got the fire going in the back room. The girls and I sorted out a couple of boxes full of old colouring books and activity books. We then just sat by the fire with the ones that were being kept, Woo and I did some colouring and Bunnykins was creating fashion outfits. I made us some smores. I had put a really nice veggie chilly in the slow cooker for tea. After tea we carried on by the fire until it was time for Strictly. It was so nice.

Oh yes, so Bunnykins had been busy in her dolls house in the late morning, she got out all her Christmas decorations and was getting the houses ready for Christmas. 

Earlier in the week...

We have had a couple of really chilly days this week. Bunnykins and I have walked to school. When I have walked back or got back from dropping Woo at the bus stop - the sky has been beautiful. 

This was on Friday morning after walking back from seeing Bunnykins to school. The cobwebs were frozen.

(Another of my new work/yoga outfits... these are stretchy gold velvet joggers and I love them! 😄)

I think these photos are from Thursday, which was another stunning morning (in reverse order of course)

I tried a different outfit on Thursday as it was really really cold. I had my thick thermal yoga leggings and long sleeved t under a maxi dress and then a v-neck jumper over that. I really liked it. It got a fairly unimpressed reaction from Woo "Mummy, why are you wearing that? Did you buy it?!" and from Hannah who asked "what were you thinking?" when I sent her a picture. Well apparently Audrey Hepburn said "To pull off any look, wear it with confidence", and so I pulled it off as far as I'm concerned 😄

My work week has been busy. A lot of meetings. I have been testing my introvert self quite a bit and so I need to be aware of that and find time to recharge. I have managed to fit in my yoga and a walk with Mark at lunch so I have been hitting my step target which is good. I am very tired in the evenings, but I am settling into the routine and enjoying the work for the most part. I have a lot of worries and insecurities. It is all a jumble of feelings really, but managing to keep it positive on balance.

This week we had a couple of announcements. First was that we will be allowed to form a Christmas Bubble. This basically means that between 23rd to 27th December you can form an exclusive bubble with two other households for the purpose of celebrating Christmas. You can stay in a private house together, hug, eat together etc. All very lovely. 

And indeed, the thought of it is so tempting, so wonderful. But I personally think it is dreadfully reckless thing for the government to do. It is such an emotive time of the year. All the advice is caveated with saying it is at our risk, we must be sensible etc. But people are going to think that because it is allowed that it is safe...and it isn't. Even the most intelligent people can't help being swayed by their emotions at these times. 

There will be a spike in cases after this, we will have more restrictions coming as a result. People will die. There is a vaccine now, we are so close to getting that rolled out. Other religions had to have their main celebrations changed this year. What is so precious about Christmas that it is worth risking people's lives in order to sit around a table and eat turkey? We can celebrate in other ways and at other times. I think this just increases the stress. You have to choose who to form a bubble with, this isn't an issue for us as we wouldn't be going up to see Mum in the care home. But for many people this means - picking a set of Grandparents. Then what if not everyone agrees on the safety of it? It's already a time for people feeling isolation, or feeling forced to visit relatives, or for old family tensions bubbling up. So lets throw in people not getting chosen, people not visiting because they worry about transmission but that getting interpreted as something else. Boris just wants to see a headline of "Boris saves Christmas"...really it should be "Boris sacrifices your elderly relatives for his popularity". 

Mark and I haven't decided what we should do yet. The second announcement of the week also adds complications to the decision. 

So the second thing was that when we emerge from Lockdown 2.0 our region will be in Tier 3 which is for the highest level of cases and transmission. This makes the thought of us travelling to see family seem even more risky and reckless. The restrictions going from Lockdown 2.0 to Tier 3 don't change much. I think we can meet as maximum 6 people in a public space, rather than just meeting 1 person. No interaction still in a private garden, so I don't think Ben can be back for Ukulele Thursdays yet. Some shops and facilities will open back up but not pubs, cafes or restaurants. Mine and Ben's Christmas walk is next week which we would have then gone onto a pub for a Christmas meal. But I guess we will have to take a pack up and our own crackers...though I guess you need a big cracker to be socially distanced!

So yeah. It is all a bit meh. We are keeping an open mind about what is best. If vaccination roll out happens quickly for some of the vulnerable - yay! If we could get our hands on a test before we travelled - yay! If our region comes out of tier 3 - yay! These are not massively likely, but then knowing what is ahead at the moment is rather hit and miss. 

Week 35 - New job

It has been a busy week. I have spent a long time at this desk and so I am not keen to spend much of my weekend here. My blog entry will need to be shorter. I think I will just throw in the photos I took this week, and add a bit of commentary about a few things and leave it at that. 

On Monday morning I didn't have to start until 10am so I went for a run after dropping Bunnykins. I had a shower and got dressed. My thinking about what I wear during the day has evolved over the week. Monday was different with having the time to run and shower before starting work. I wanted to have some clashing patterns - that made me feel comfortable and confident enough. 

On subsequent days though, I have opted more for comfy bottoms - joggers or leggings, a good sports bra (I have a couple of medium support sweaty betty ones that are really comfy and good for yoga and walking) and then layered tops that can be taken off for a quick yoga session, added to when I am cold, and make me feel smart enough when I need to. I don't want to just order a whole load of new clothes, but I do feel like it is a different wardrobe emphasis for me - mainly the comfy bottoms. So I have ordered a couple of new nice joggers that look quite smart but are stretchy for an impromptu bit of exercise. I realise how much I need to be ready to take advantage of opportunities to move. 

(day 2:)

So anyway, I was ready at 10am. Small bit of I.T. chaos not worth mentioning, but I was then soon onto an induction session with two other new starters. 

Much of the day was spent filling in forms, reading through stuff I'd been sent. I tried to take a couple of profile pics, but I wasn't entirely happy.

What struck me was how few people I talked to. My old colleague Curtis (who now works at Anthesis) got in touch and we had a chat in the afternoon which was really nice. From the following days, I got to meet and speak to a lot more people and they were all really lovely. On the Wednesday I joined a trial thing where people from my team just came onto a teams call and left their video and mic on while working. You could just hear the gentle clatter of keyboards. Occasionally a conversation would break out. I asked about a proposal I was writing and everyone was really helpful sending me links and suggesting people to contact. 

My evenings have felt different. I have had a couple of nights with more social zoom meetings, and it's lovely to see everyone but I do feel resistance to getting back infront of the computer and have felt that I have had less time to re-charge on these evenings. 

And I guess I resent the busyness of work for that. My head is really into the work. It is exciting and interesting. I feel like I can make a difference here. I also feel like I am stretching myself in a really good way. I met with my new boss and the lady I am taking over from and they made it clear that on alot of projects I would be the project director not the project manager. This is new for me. I have always been seen as the top notch project manager. I haven't felt resistance ever to the idea that I could be a director, more from my own lack of ambition in that way really. But here I was - director to a project - indeed I was going to be on a client call that afternoon as the project director. I realised that there was no reason that I couldn't do it, that I was more than capable. It was an opening of my world view and my view of myself. A good thing. 

I have been reading and reading with alacrity. I feel such enthusiasm to research and understand the work I am in. I always have tried to kept up to date, but in comparison I think I have been snoozing. So all this enthusiasm and effort focused on my job, alongside me trying to look after myself with breaks and exercise and making sure I am still present for the girls - it is a heightened state. Like a large and definite exhale. But eventually you have to inhale. And now I find myself stressing that I don't have that inhalation time. If my evenings are busy I feel that I am drawing on reserves and that makes me panic a little. I have felt a hardness about me this week, a closing in and less of a desire or ability to connect with others and I think that isn't a good thing for me.

Thursday night was stressful, I had a lovely time with Ben on zoom. We were working on our Christmas song which was a little emotional. 

But then there was a long year 6 leavers meeting that got in my head. I had no down time before bed. I couldn't get off to sleep. Then Friday morning Woo was back to school and I was taking her to the bus stop and putting on the slow cooker and before I knew it I was shaking and feeling awful because I had forgotten to eat breakfast and it was now time to take Bunnykins and I was just panicking. 

Bunnykins was so lovely, she asked if there was anything she could do to help me get breakfast or anything she could do while I ate. I sat and had a smoothie and started to drift off. Fortunately Bunnykins was soon reminding me to get going again! Fortunately it was Friday, so I felt I could just hang on for the rest of the day. 

These photos below are more attempts at profile pics. I guess that is another thing I am having to do, I mean I always do it, but there is fresh pressure now...consider how I present myself to others. 

I found it really interesting looking through all the pictures of colleagues on the intranet sight how I got an impression of them (good or bad) from their picture. In particular the expression that they had chosen or had been captured by the professional photographer used. Those with a serious face I did feel concerned about contacting to say hello. One of the jobs I had this week was to reach out to certain people and introduce myself and set up meetings. It was an easy thing to do but it felt so hard, I just wanted to curl up and avoid it. 

As an aside, one thing I really liked was that Anthesis use a method of personality profile called 5 voices. I don't particularly care how accurate it is but what I was really cheered by was what this signified. It demonstrated a keenness to accept neurodiversity and differences in styles and to really be able to be open about it. I came out as a nurturer/guardian and alot of it made sense. Again, it doesn't really matter but it legitimises my ability to be able to say - this is how I am and I see that is different to you and that is OK. So yeah, my introvert self (as confident as she is) is having a hard time with all this reaching out and external effort and I am worried about lack of time to recharge with some good introverted down time reading, walking and staring at the flowers.

So more pics that I quite liked and played with:

I ended up choosing variations of this one. I needed a black and white version and then for the intranet and Microsoft stuff I chose the second one as it sort of matched the effect that a lot of the professionally taken staff pictures had. 

When Woo went back to school on Thursday that was us feeling clear of the self isolation stuff, so Mark and I have been taking advantage of the opportunity to get a lunch time walk which is nice. We're so lucky to have the park on our doorstep.

Friday evening finished with a welcome drinks, which was pleasant but I was so glad to switch off for the weekend and sit down with everyone when it was done. We have been still having tea together but I don't finish until 5:30 - it's really nice of them all to wait for me. Friday evening meals have a much more relaxed and celebratory feel to them. Everyone was on good form.

On Saturday we decided to get out for a bike ride. We had felt a bit cooped up last weekend with Woo self isolating. 

Mark had made some muffins and we took a flask of hot chocolate.

It was brill to be out in the fresh air with my TeamChallis 💗.

We also moved around the layout of the backroom - mostly in anticipation of a Christmas tree in a few weeks which I can't quite get my head around. 

I managed to finish off my book (which was brill and I was so glad still to find some time to read) before some Strictly with smores.

I had a nice quiet weekend which was lovely, with a bit of time outside in the fresh air. Hannah came up to the park on Sunday and we got a coffee and had a walk. However, it was rather busy and we decided to sit a while rather than battle along on the paths. It was lovely to catch up. As much as my introvert self has been challenged this week, connection with my close friends is such an important part of life to me. It was a lovely way to recharge ahead of next week. 

I should sign off now and post this. Probably ask Mark to get the fire going and snuggle up with TeamChallis in the front room. Got to take all my opportunities to recharge and feel good.