Week 3. Easter Weekend
Friday 10th April was Good Friday. It isn't easy to know one day from another at the moment, but Mark not working is a good a way as any to differentiate the time. Mark and I woke relatively early still and left the girls snoozing. Mark went for a run and was back by about 7.30. The day was looking like it would be baking, so I went for my run soon after.
I am no runner, but I am aware of the need to keep exercising. I used to run back from walking Bunnykins to school on a Monday and Wednesday, then have a longer run of 3 or 4 laps of the park on Sunday. Now it's 2 or 3 laps of the park as often as I can fit it in (ideally every other day), leaving me able to walk with the girls on alternate days on my allotted 1hr exercise time out of the home. I don't enjoy it, but I make sure I do it. I always feel good after it's finished - one because it's finished, but also the endorphins and just feeling like I've achieved something towards keeping my life right and orderly.
I have worked hard to make sense of my life and give it order and some of that is manifested in how our home is. Not tidiness, but it making sense to me. It having places where we can sit and make the most of what we have around us. Having the ability to choose to be in the sun or the shade. Having a spot where all my music stuff is and I can just sit down and play. Now having the workroom where all our craft and art stuff is accessible. Another thing I do is to have a "winter layout" and "summer layout" to the back room. The winter layout focuses on the wood burning stove, the summer layout has the seating by the back doors that can open onto the deck. As with all of these things, I feel really peaceful when I can manifest these things. When I organise the room into the summer layout at the start of a warm weekend and then sit down by the open doors and look out at the garden; it feels like pieces in my head have slotted into the right place and for a moment I have made things right.
That is a long rambling paragraph, of no consequence to anyone really. But it helps explain how Friday had a great feeling of peace in my head - beyond the fact that it was just a "good and sunny day".
I had been for my run. Then I painted some shelves. Then some gardening. Busy, busy, busy. I felt good about having completed those tasks. The sun was shining and the temperature in the garden was getting on for the low 20s. I took a break sitting under the apple tree. This is one of my favourite spots in the garden. Years ago, I had a plan for the garden. It evolved and changed, but there was an idea of "no curvy lines" - I wanted all the stuff we put in to be clear that it was man made - geometrical with edges. I still wanted plenty of places for plants and grass and veg, but for all our interventions to hang together.
The apple tree is special; it's where we decided that we would make our final crazy bid for this house. It is one of the few features the garden had when we bought the place. It is filled with blossom in the spring and apples in the summer and birds through the year. We built a tree house for the girls and added a deck around the tree as the shade of the tree meant grass didn't grow there. We didn't plan it, but the deck and the tree house ended up accommodating a slide beautifully, and then the area at the back of the tree became an outdoor play kitchen perfectly onto an existing low wall. Later when the girls got a little bigger we realised that we could fit in a spider web climbing feature. It all evolved, but it worked. And I just love to sit there, in the shade, and look at the garden and feel that I did something that worked. That I controlled some element of something and other people appreciate it too.
Bunnykins came out and sat with me. She loves to read. She's very similar, in many ways, to how I was at her age. I understand myself alot better through trying to understand her. I try to understand her differences too. She was reading a book that had come in a set she got for Christmas. It was A Stitch In Time by Penelope Lively. I realised that this had been my favourite book when I was her age. I had been talking to Mark just a few weeks previously about it, having remembered the author but not the title. Bunnykins was intrigued by the information that I had liked it. She asked me loads of questions about it, that I realised I couldn't answer; I could only bring misty elements to mind, but it was a lovely conversation. I let her get on with the reading.
We ate a nice lunch outside, then I went for a shower. On March 23rd I had been booked in for an already overdue hair cut. It didn't happen of course. I don't like having my hair long any more.
I like how easy it is to care for when it's short. It can be super messy but still look fine because it has volume. When it's longer and messy - it just looks messy. The weight of it drags it down and it drags me down. I can put it up in a pony tail but then I feel old. Again it's like I found a solution with short hair; styling it fits into the rhythm of my life, so having it long was just becoming discombobulating. I had paid attention to how it was cut. I go to Toni and Guy and pay over the odds for a slightly feathered bob, but again, I am a creature of habit. They were the ones who found me this cut and so there I return. But it is straightforward and I watch their hands - how they catch a bit of what has been cut with the hair to be cut, how they check lengths and how they sit at the right height to be able to see where they are cutting clearly. I got a kitchen chair set up and an office chair for Mark to be able to move around and see where he was cutting. I had a good pair of scissors (and the world's tiniest comb). Mark set to work. He would not say he has any natural skill as a hairdresser - but he listens well and I knew he would take this seriously (despite the expressions!).
I was so chuffed. It just felt so much better. So much lighter. I was glad too that I had taken the risk. For me it was an equation, something statistical. I give the long hair a dislike score that is pretty high...and there is a significant possibility that Mark could cut my hair and it have a similarly high dislike score. But then there is a possibility that it could actually be fine, or even good. So the risk is worth taking. Maths says so!
I took up a spot on the lounger under the tree, and Mark brought me out a ginger beer full of ice. Is this allowed at 3pm on a Friday? Yes! Once I had decided that, I relaxed entirely into my afternoon and my book.
I loved to look up and see Bunnykins reading too. It made me feel such a connection back to a younger me, who would similarly have spent the whole day on the lawn or sat in my bedroom window reading.
A plan was made for that evening, that the girls would sleep out in the tent. The last time they slept out in it - they were small enough that Mark could sleep in there too. Not so much now!
We left the bedroom window open (and the back door unlocked of course) so that we could hear them. At 2am I heard Bunnykins coming in and helped her to bed with all her blankets and soft toys. Woo had expelled her for breathing too loudly. Well it seems that there is one thing worse than the sound of your sister breathing too loudly when you are camping out...it is not being able to hear your sister breathing. 10 minutes later I heard Woo come in and I helped her get to bed also.
Mark treated us to the best breakfast the following morning - pancakes with bacon and maple syrup. Yum! Pancakes are a regular weekend treat for us, but since Bunnykins has become vegetarian I have been missing meat more - most of the time it's not worth the hassle to cook two things.
One thing I had been meaning to try for a while was to make a wild garlic pesto from the wild garlic that grows behind the tree house. https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/wild-pesto
The girls helped with collecting a good couple of boxfulls. I think that while we are managing to get food on the weekly shop no problem. I notice more a survival mindset in me. I want to make use of everything around us; not to waste any opportunity. I feel this is motivating good things health and environment wise, even if we are not in survival mode as yet. So while I acknowledge that the instinct isn't necessary, I am happy to indulge it.
It was actually quite tasty - a really strong taste infact - which accounts for Woo's expression of delight!
Mark was a fan and has been chomping it down.
Bunnykins had lent me the book to read. I didn't manage to get through it all that day. As I read it, I remembered how I had been so intrigued by the mystery in the book, the sound of the swing and glimpses of a little girl in a picture. It had felt grown-up and a bit spooky compared to some of the other books available at the time. Maria, the main character, was quiet and thoughtful. I recognised how she would have appealed to me and how she appealed to Bunnykins.
Another lazy afternoon (with opportunities for selfies of my new hair) led onto a BBQ and socializing with the Dicksons which was lovely as they were out in their garden also. You could almost believe we were all sat together.
A second attempt at camping out was decided on.
This time it was agreed that if Woo got fed up with Bunnykins then it was Woo who would come inside. And duly at 10pm...Woo came inside leaving Bunnykins happily camping on her own.
At about 8am on Easter Sunday I was just getting up to check on Bunnykins when I heard feet running up the stairs, then two cards came under the door. The Easter Bunnykins then raced back out and I saw her dive back into the tent and zip it up.
Our Easter Bunnykins had also created an Easter Trail for Mark, Woo and I to do.
Which was then supplemented with one that Mark and I laid out for the girls.
Later on in the day, we started to bring down the craft, art and sewing supplies from various awkward stashes around the house in order to populate the new shelves in the work room. Talk about a sense of control and rightness! Looking at all our craft things being accessible and organised gives me such a buzz. I could stand there all day looking at it...and then if someone asks me for ribbons... oh man! I just reach down the box... find you a ribbon and I am fit to burst 😄
After all that organising, it was time for a bit of an Easter treat myself and reading under the tree again. I managed to finish the book and enjoyed feeling bound up in a book and in that reliving of my childhood experiences.
Mark and the girls have a DIY project they have been working on since lockdown began. They took apart an old bench that was falling to pieces and not safe to sit on. Mark found replacement wood that he cut and planed. The day was still, so it was an opportunity for some spray painting. Of course you can't get dust masks or googles for love or money these days - well you can get packs of surgical face masks on Amazon - so we went with those, plus swimming goggles and lab coats. Woo found it most amusing that our neighbours could only see a glimpse of them leaving the back of the house dressed like this and not see what they were actually doing. I am quite happy for anyone to think we're a bit bonkers as I get enough happiness seeing my girls get engaged in projects where they are not scared off by power tools or PPE or getting a bit mucky.
Sunday night Bunnykins slept out again, this time on her own from the start. The night was windy. We still had the shade sail up so this flapped and billowed constantly. Through our open bedroom window we could hear foxes shriek too. I felt sure she was safe enough, but I did worry about her and consequently I didn't sleep well. I kept wondering if she would be out there too scared to go out of the tent to come in. But then I kept wondering if my prowling around would make things worse, or if I would wake her up. So just tossed and turned in indecision. Turns out she was fine. She had a great time being brave as did all her guys (her soft toys). She came in in the morning to a hero's welcome with hot chocolate and pancakes.
Easter Monday I suggested that we do some craft and baking in the morning and then in the afternoon Bunnykins and Mark wanted to watch some Shakespeare from the globe theater (free on you tube) and Woo wanted to watch Baz Lurman's Romeo and Juliet - which I was very keen to join in on as it's one of my favourite films.
Some fiddly work on Woo's caravan:
The baking:
They made carrot and courgette iced muffins which were delicious. They also made a soda bread with gram flour instead of plain, milk instead of buttermilk and baking powder instead of baking soda! So all in all - not much like the recipe. It was a little doughy - but fresh out of the oven it went really well with some soup for lunch.
One thing I have been thinking about a lot this weekend is how privileged we are. This pandemic is terrible, yet here we are able to enjoy ourselves and relax. We have space, we have resources. Space is so important. I think it is right to acknowledge that feeling and the guilt that goes with it. Practically I don't feel that I can do much to rectify the fact that so many do not have the outside space we do. But I can vote appropriately (which I feel that I do). And I can refrain from judging others who need to get outside more than I do. I look out at the park and see the masses of people, and it can be easy to start complaining (and I have). But to judge any person - especially without knowing their circumstances is foolish. It is a human problem to understand your own back story and motivations in great detail and hence forgive yourself most things. Yet at the same time, overestimate the amount that you understand of someone else's back story and motivations. Judgments are easy to make. People are not bad, and they don't act with bad intentions. They act in a state of forgiving themselves, while feeling less ready to forgive others. I can be guilty of that, but I have the privilege of time and space to think and sort myself out. All in all, I am feeling good after this weekend and ready to carry on with how ever long this stuff is going to last.
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