Week 57 - A day in the office and sunshine walks

I knew this week was going to be a bit of a difficult one work wise. I started the week dreading it, and again in relation to work...the week didn't let me down...it was pants.

On the upside the weather has been beautiful the whole week. Bright blue skies and sunshine. 

On Tuesday we had been given warning that the electricity would be cut off. As it happened, it was only a risk of being cut off, and it didn't get cut off. But, in order to get work done, Mark was going into his office, and I had arranged to work in the Bristol office of my new work.

I was pretty anxious about it. I got Woo off to the bus stop and waited with Bunnykins while I had my breakfast smoothie.

I had decided to drive in as I thought I didn't need the extra stress of figuring out busses or where to park my bike. Turned out that was a big mistake. I thought the traffic would be light with everyone working at home still. But no - everyone is coming into Bristol and they're driving. It took ages to drive in and then I had to park in Millennium square as the first parking I had gone to was full.

It was odd to be back down in the centre after so long. 

I walked to the office on Baldwin street. The streets were pretty quiet. It was strange. I know Bristol. But I don't know what it is like now. What is open? What do people do? It felt like a different world.

I found the office building. Our floor is spacious. It has good views and is very close to the heart of things. I did warm to it. 

At lunch I went out and, in a panic, stopped at the first place that I could figure out - 4 Wise Monkeys. I wished I had brought a book with me. Even more galling that a book shop was just behind me, but I couldn't really just leave my table to pop in and buy something to read.

The food was really nice, though the pac choi was a bit of a struggle with chopsticks.

I had a little wander around, soaking in the atmosphere of being in town. I could almost have been on a city break.

Just as I was finishing, about to come home, an urgent request came in. This is the real downside of being in the office. I couldn't just nip downstairs to have tea first or grab a snack. I needed to stay until I had sorted it. The thought made me a bit teary.

On Wednesday I was grateful to be back working at home. The cherry tree by the house is nearly over now with it's blossom. But it was all looking so beautiful.

I just love my tulips.

And the blossom on the apple tree is starting to come out now.

It wasn't a great day. I had a panic attack (work related) and ended up working until 9:30pm and just feeling strung out.

On Thursday I had a big meeting. Tbh, I don't want to immortalise it by writing about it here. I was stressed before it, stressed during it and stressed after.

I set up in the front room so I could plug into the network directly so as to avoid drop offs in wifi.

I had been trying to get through the week without too much chocolate. But it was definitely a mocha day. I was really pleased to see the food menu is back.

After school, the others were busy downstairs. Bunnykins' class topic is the Greeks at the mo. The following day was going to be some games. She was busily making a wreath with felt leaves. I was impressed with the construction which she had got on with all under her own steam.

Woo was wrapping presents for some friends.

And Mark was getting ready for his big day out the following day. He had taken the day off and he and Jason had planned a 50km run across the Brecon Beacons. He wanted to borrow my rucksack and was testing it out and getting it to fit him.

On Friday morning, Mark was off early. 

Bunnykins was pleased with how her wreath turned out. I was impressed also. I'm really chuffed that she has the opportunity, materials and the wherewithal to just go and make something if she wants to.

I can't say I was feeling in the best mood. It had been a tough week as I knew it would be. It isn't so much that it is pressure from Anthesis to get things done, but there is such a flow of things to do and I don't think that work is doing much to stem that flow. A lot of the mental pressure comes from me, from me caring so much about doing a good job. There have been things this week where I have felt I haven't done a good job and that eats me up. So I sat in the garden a while and tried to be mindful. I have to accept those feelings, acknowledge them and then push them gently away as something I don't need to dwell and ruminate on. I have been doing my best. I know that is true. Spending my time with teeth gritted, wanting to cry while I try and justify my efforts and failures in my head will get me no-where but a bad place. 

I got to the end of the day and crossed off the key things. I finished on time just as Mark was returning from their epic adventure.

It had been a beautiful day for them.

Saturday was my day to go venturing out. It had been a while since I had been walking with Ben. Tbh, I just hadn't felt up to planning something, but we had got a date set up, then Ben had suggested a route which I plotted out on my OS maps app. It was 21km from Mangotsfield station so plus another couple of km for me to get there and another 4km for Ben to get to the start.

It was another beautiful day.

It was great to wander along in the sunshine just talking and talking. The temperature was perfect for walking. The sun was bright though so I had suncreamed up and kept my cap on. Now in our house we say capka which is what the Russian girls called it, or so I thought. I have just looked up the spelling and turns out it is shapka or endearingly... шапка

Anyway, moving on... Our route to start with was across Mangotsfield, Emersons Green, Downend and Bromley Heath. The route was based on one previously plotted on OS maps and I was amazed to realise that for the most part we were on little cut-throughs or snickets. It was actually really nice to be going through all this suburban sprawl but through all these hidden little routes that I certainly didn't know about prior to this. 

We then crossed over the ring road and M4 and after a bit of walking on the quiet country road, we joined the Frome Valley Way. This is a beauty of a route that follows the river all the way that we were walking it, so it was very easy to navigate and attention could be turned to chatting and noticing what was about us: blossom, birdsong, butterflies, sunshine... the flippin' blissful works.

We took a rest just by where the viaduct crosses the Frome Valley Way. It was a lovely spot in the dappled shade with the gentle sound of the river and birds. Ben had not let me down on the snack front, and had brought chocolate covered peanuts, which tbh now I have a Pavlovian craving for every time I go for a hike. 😄

We set off again towards Frampton Cotteral / Coalpit Heath. Our destination was the Globe pub for lunch.

It actually didn't take long to get there. There was plenty of space in the garden. I do rather like this covid outcome where you get table service at pubs and everyone has to stick to their table - no people meandering about getting in my space. I ordered us some drinks...time for some Man in the Hat...

Sadly, the pub weren't doing food. The website had suggested that they were doing pizza, but instead they had a burger van. It was all a bit greasy, but after walking 10km, I wasn't feeling that fussy. Ben went for a bacon and cheesburger (thankfully he is not now fully veggie as the options were limited!) and I had a bacon and egg roll and cheesy chips.

We had a lovely lunch, even if the food wasn't the star. 

Setting off eventually with full stomachs and slightly tired legs, we were soon revived by being back by the river for a stretch. After a few km we veered off across country. It was more open fields with a few wooded copses (including beautiful bluebells). 

We also had to cross the Kendleshire golf course, which tbh was my least favourite part. There is a public footpath across the course, but you can tell the golfers are so entirely pissed off that someone dares to walk across their greens. We made it across without getting smacked in the head by a golf ball or 9-iron. We even made a cheeky pit-stop at their little refreshment hut. The lady serving was lovely, so that was nice, even though I am sure we weren't supposed to use the facilities. 

The route had to cross back over the M4, or rather under it. We came across a field and then walked alongside the embankment a short way before coming up to this tunnel. It seemed like something that would be good in the set of a horror movie with the rusty fences and angular overgrown walls. 

I was glad to get through it without being attacked by zombies or aliens. 

We joined the cycle path, but still had a good few miles left to go. Ben was keen to find one of the electric scooters that are being trialed around here, but we didn't manage that, so in the end he walked with me back to mine and I gave him a lift home. It had been such a good day, it was so nice not to be on a timetable or feel like I had responsibilities and jobs to see to. It was easy to be mindful and present and was just the thing I needed.

When I got home, Mark had tea ready and a glass of wine. We sat outside to eat. Woo enjoying some affection from her beloved sister 😀😍...

After tea, we had a round of a game that Bunnykins had showed us the day before, that was effectively sumo wrestling but without the crazy outfit. On Friday I had beaten Woo and Bunnykins, but Woo was raring for a re-match and beat me fairly easily. 

Then Woo was off doing her happy little Manga character thing and swinging from the cherry tree to "make it snow" 😄:

On Sunday, Mark got up and made pancakes. He and Woo went off to Frisbee practice. 

I put the slow cooker on for lunch, sorted out some laundry and did a bit of gardening. 

Then just after noon, Bunnykins and I went over to the pool where we had booked a family lane again. Woo and Mark joined us shortly after. 

We got back, the girls had showers while I sorted lunch. After lunch I showered and then took my book out to the pergola. It was a bit more blustery but still lovely to be in the sunshine. I nodded off for a while, but I was very happy and comfy. 

Bunnykins was also enjoying the sun and reading on the far deck.

This weekend was great. The week - not so much. I feel now that I am in a situation where I know things can't continue as they are with the amount of work related stress I feel. There are changes that have been made that should improve things, and more changes still to make. I won't be hasty in making any big decisions about my job, but equally I wont sit with blinkers thinking it will all be OK.