I was thinking as I closed the last post that I hadn't even mentioned Brexit transition. At the last minute a deal was agreed that leaves our country worse off that before we left the EU, but at least we wouldn't be without access to food and medicine, so tbh that is about all we need to say because frankly there is bigger shit going down....
On Sunday there was a lot of news around not wanting children to go back to school. There is a new variant of covid-19 (called VUI – 202012/01) it is more easily transmitted for one thing. The Labour leader Keir Starmer was calling for all schools to homeschool and a new lockdown, not just the schools in worst affected areas.
We had already heard during the Christmas holidays that all UK secondary schools were going to have a phased return and Woo was going to be off homeschooling for the first week and then we subsequently heard it would be two weeks of homeschooling. Woo's school have got homeschooling well organised; we saw it when she had to self isolate for a week with her school bubble. They follow a similar timetable to when in school and dial into Microsoft Teams based lessons. She has been well instructed on what to do, so needed very little support from us.
Monday was an INSET day for Woo and Bunnykins was due to be in school. Nothing was decided on Sunday evening, just lots of anxious debate in the press.
So Monday morning, I walked Bunnykins to school. It was a frosty and misty morning. The streets we very quiet especially with all the secondary schools being off. I walked home and got started with work.
On the work front, I had been dreading it, but my Monday was full of catch up meetings with the rest of the team and they are all lovely people, so it did cheer me up no end to talk to them. I also had received the new slippers I had ordered from the sales. I had wanted slipper boots for Christmas. I wanted something really warm for when we were sitting in the pergola, but slippers so I could also put my feet up. I thought they made me look like I had cookie monster feet 😄.
Mark picked up Bunnykins and we got back into our normal routine of tea at 5:30 followed by a bit of telly together before I went off for an online ukers practice at 7pm. We knew there would be an announcement from Boris at 8pm and there was a great deal of speculation about what it would entail. But anyway, we had a nice practice with the four of us and broke off at 8pm as usual.
I didn't watch the announcement but followed it on the Guardian website. All schools were to be closed from Tuesday (except to key worker children) and the whole country was going into a new lockdown (3.0) from Wednesday. Well, how marvelous. The kids have been off from school for 2 weeks over Christmas. Some of them mixing, possibly irresponsibly with extended family members and then we send them back together for a day for one day for a good old close contact get together...stir that shit right around...before starting a new lockdown. Insane.
I was not in a great place over this. I think lockdown 3.0 is necessary. I support the schools being closed. I think the one day of mixing and the poor decision making from the government is ridiculous. I think the position that teachers have been put in is ridiculous. But just on a personal level I felt....well what did I feel. I felt deadened in truth - a heavy grey nothingness. I am now working full time in a job with considerable pressures and time demands; some days I feel I have hardly time to sneeze. Last time we had homeschooling, I found it difficult with part time working; I ended up volunteering for furlough and as a result ended up being made redundant. I knew that Woo didn't need much of my time, but for Bunnykins there is more input needed. The school don't organise things in quite the same way, it is primary school after all. It is a dump of work at the beginning of the week with a lot of downloading and interpretation needed. The teachers have clearly got enough to get on with with the kids who are still in school (which incidentally is a much higher number than the first lockdown, as more people are claiming to be key workers...I don't really want to get into it but it is not the best side of human nature).
But logistical requirements aside, I can't just close the study door and leave them to get on with stuff without any guidance or interaction with another person. Mark and I discussed it and he said he would do a lot more to get involved in the homeschooling this time. That was great, but still couldn't lift my mood.
Tuesday was declared as an emergency INSET day for Bunnykins, which was fair enough. So, that day was like a one day reprieve before the madness came (as far as I perceived it in my head). It was a busy day with work, I was really feeling the pressure mounting of juggling all the requirements of the role. Mark and I had lunch at 12, but realised that Woo didn't have her lunch break until 1pm. Bunnykins was busy with Lego, and I had a meeting scheduled for 1pm so we just ate, Mark and I had a quick march around the park just to get fresh air and steps, then he came back and got the girls to eat as I went back to my desk.
I ended up working to about 6.30pm before I realised that I could hear Mark was still working also. He had put the tea in eventually. But we had effectively just left the kids pretty much the whole day. We had a good chat in the evening about finding a new routine including having a snack at about 10ish then all eating lunch together at 1pm and being ready to walk together. We talked about what was good from the previous lockdowns. The girls wanted to do the art club again, but sadly I felt like I wouldn't have time to contribute. We might do it as a weekend thing where we create something during the weekend. I suggested a games night, just so we spend some time socializing together. That was agreed on for Wednesday night.
I had wanted us to celebrate 12th night, but I just couldn't get my head in it. We put off our plans for later in the month.
I spoke to John in the evening which was good. But my head was spinning, I really felt done in. Before bed I spent some time getting logged onto the Google classroom and sat with Mark explaining all the log in and download procedures and what Bunnykins would need. He got the work saved on her laptop ready for the following day.
The day itself turned out better than I feared. Bunnykins worked very independently. Her friend M had a new phone for Christmas, so they spent the whole morning on a WhatsApp call working through their school work together which I thought was great. I could hear them discussing fractions, and being genuinely helpful to each other.
Later on I found her in the front room, sitting on the rug, painting a box gold. I was impressed with the initiative to get on with her Pandora's Box assignment, but less so that she had nothing down to protect the rug from paint...
That evening we had the inaugural games night...
It was really good. We had some icing covered mince pies and boxed chocolates still in the cupboard. I put on our favourite cards soundtrack. We start with "Shape of my heart" by Sting, then I put on a Spotify playlist called Poker Night Vibes, which is just some great upbeat classics. It has The Gambler by Kenny Rogers fairly early in the list - Bunnykins loves this one. These two songs are funny, it is like a warm shared joke when we are playing cards listening to these.
Bunnykins started being adamant that it was just the one game; we carried on playing for nearly 3 hours. It was bedtime for the girls that called us to a halt. It was just great. They are great company. Woo was funny with insisting that she didn't like September by Earth Wind and Fire, yet at the same time she couldn't help bobbing along and singing like such a cute little tot. We all had hands where we were we were lucky and where we were unlucky. It was funny to see the range of emotions that Bunnykins experienced with this situation, and I do think that us playing cards like this is good for her emotional regulation. Hopefully she can realise that she is able to control her instinct that we are all out to get her when she's loosing, and can then enjoy her winning when that occurs. Bunnykins was very animated and chatty throughout, with just the greatest range of facial expressions. I think it is a routine we can stick with, so I am looking forward to next week.
Meanwhile in the US...Trump was inciting a mob to storm the Capitol building. Because they were white, they police were pretty slow to react and the whole thing got out of control. Trump was on twitter goading and encouraging people. I mean wtaf... 2021 you are starting out playing a pretty feisty hand!
Thursday was super cold and frosty. I had a client meeting in the morning, on Teams of course and there is no requirement for smartness, but I was feeling pretty cosy in my joggers, soft shirt layered up over a long sleeve top and vest and then a snuggly cardigan.
At lunch, there was a bit of delay getting everyone out for a walk, so I went off first. Bunnykins ran on to join me soon after.
Woo found us by the bandstand and we had a walk around together. The firs by Park Road were covered in frost. The girls were having fun knocking it down to make it "snow".
It was another hectic day of work. Mark had put tea in the slow cooker, which was a really nice burnt aubergine chilli. We were a bit late eating it, so I went from my desk, to the kitchen table at 5:45 then back to my desk to see Ben at 6pm.
We played a few new tunes. We tried the gambler which was OK to play, but I couldn't sing it in the right register. We tried the Sting one briefly. It sounded lovely when Ben played it but was just a bit much for my brain. I knew I had a yr 6 leavers meeting at 8pm. I just felt mentally exhausted and overwhelmed. I think with Ben, I know I don't have to put on a front, so there just came a point where I gave up. The pull of gravity was just too much and I let myself fall gently to the floor. I shouted up to Ben to hang up the Skype and we then chatted on a WhatsApp call for half an hour until it was time to struggle back up to my desk to talk hoodies....
It was nice to chat with the school mums and tbh it felt better to have talked through what was needed, so I was left with less work to do than I feared. We finished at about 8:40pm when zoom kicked us off. I went down, Mark made me a hot water and "yoghurt-y treat" and we watched some repair workshop on the iplayer which is just so relaxing and warm.
Oh yes, on Tuesday and Thursday mornings this week I have been taking advantage of not having to do the school run. It's too dark to run outside (makes me feel dizzy), but I had been getting up, doing a walking workout, then showering about 8pm before having breakfast and starting work at 9am. We're also back to setting alarms for 7am rather than 6:30am which feels like a small treat.
On Friday I decided to have a go at some yoga which felt good. I had a shower and then got dressed. I have been tending to dress in the hope of doing some yoga during the day (stretchy under layers), but tbh the opportunity doesn't materialise. If I have a moment, I need to check on the girls or grab drink or go to the loo. Yoga would be such a luxury. So that in mind, I dressed not thinking of stretch fabrics! I pulled out these thick green felt dungarees and layered them over a green and gold polo neck with this chunky cropped jumper. I was mightily pleased with how it looked and how cosy it was (particularly with my cookie monster slippers).
I got through the day even though I felt like I was two steps behind everything. I was told I could step down from a meeting at 3pm which was a relief in that I could finally catch up on what I needed to do. But at the same time, I recognized I had started feeling quite paranoid during the day and that I was interpreting some actions of others as "they don't like me, they're going to try and get rid of me" and so there was a bit of me that was put on edge by not having to attend the meeting.
There was a bit of fun. I certainly don't feel that paranoia within the analyst community that I help manage. At 4pm a sporkle quiz was shared which is a timed 10minute quiz, which we did followed by some fun chat on our analyst discussion group. I got back to work and got finished at 5:30pm and went downstairs.
Mark had tea ready which was a Charlie Bingham Indian fake-away. We had picked up cakes from the hatch at our lunchtime walk and when finished we took the cakes (and wine for Mark and I) through to the front room where we watched Crocodile Dundee. I was glad Bunnykins stayed with us, only watching her YouTube for some of it. Woo was into it, the three of us (me, Mark, Woo) were bobbing along to the perky incidental music and all super animated by the emotional ending. 😄😍😂
So this week of homeschooling hasn't been as bad as I feared. I know I need to keep an eye on managing the scale of my fear, but I am not super human. I still think that I am justified. I told the girls how proud I was of how independent they had been, how good natured, how hard they had worked, how caring they had both been towards us. And that is so true, but I don't want them to have to bear the brunt of this, I don't want them to spend the whole day bravely fending for themselves.
On Saturday morning I was up fairly late. Well I woke just after 8am I guess, which isn't late. But stayed in bed for another hour and stayed in my Onesie until a little before 1pm.
I got dressed (new dress from Monki) in order to go outside and investigate what Mark was up to.
He had gone to prune the apple tree but it looked like he was cutting the blessed thing down. I'm sure he's right that it has got too overgrown and for its health it needed a really good cut back, but I just stood there thinking of how beautiful that tree had been last year. How much joy I had got from sitting under its branches full of blossom in spring, the green shelter it gave in the hot summer and then the fun of sitting under the canopy with Ben in the autumn dodging the apples and the rain. I know I should put the health of the tree first, but it just seemed so bleak. I'll come around to the idea I'm sure. I do want the tree to keep going as long as possible.
So then Mark spent quite a lot of time putting the branches through the muncher.
After lunch, Woo went for a shower and I asked if I could trim her hair. The majority of time was spent combing it and I trimmed off hardly anything (under strict instruction). But at least it got some kind of trim.
In the afternoon we had a couple of hands of sevens. Our attempts to try a different card game were rejected.
After tea we watched Crocodile Dundee 2. I wasn't feeling in a great mood, but it was a good choice and I was happy to chill out and get lost in the silliness.
On Sunday, Mark got up early and went for a run into Bristol. He and Jason had been talking about running together which is allowed. But Jason preferred a muddy route and Mark said he fancied just one run where his feet didn't get wet.
It was a pinky frosty morning when I woke up. I went down in my onesie and took a few pictures. There is a facebook group called View from my Window. It started up in March 2020 and asked for views from people's windows all around the world. I found it fascinating and the inspiration for getting our pergola sorted came from there and seeing porches from various states in America and outside spaces that could be enjoyed year round. The photos were published in a book recently and I saw there would be a round 2 yesterday, so I thought I would take a photo of my view and possibly submit it.
I think it would be the one above. I did take a couple from inside the house, but the windows are so flipping mucky!
I did manage to motivate myself enough to go for a run.
It was a nice day out, cold but bright. I thought the girls needed to get out so after lunch we all went for a decent walk. It was about 4.5km and generally away from people which was good.
We came back and I washed the downstairs back windows before taking part in a Lego-off with Bunnykins and Mark. Bunnykins made a gift shop. Mark made an ocean habitat and I made a gym.
The gift shop
The gym. Weights stowed on the wall. Mark is using the rowing machine infront of a step machine (being demonstrated by a pair of legs). There is a treadmill and a static bike. Bunnykins wasn't massively impressed however and it didn't get used.
A happy chappy in his ocean habitat.
So that is the first week of 2021 done and so far I am not a fan. I don't want to wish this year away, on the other hand I think that there are things this year that just need to be endured for us to get to a better place. Mark saw a news article today that it is hoped that all UK adults can be offered the vaccine by Autumn this year. And on a personal level by November my 1 year contract will be through and I am hopeful of being in a position to talk about part time.
The scary thing is not knowing what else the year will bring, because when I consider that questions, at the moment the possible answers all feel quite negative which isn't helpful. So I know I need to just stick with the present and let the fact that I am doing OK now be enough.
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