It has been a busy week. I have spent a long time at this desk and so I am not keen to spend much of my weekend here. My blog entry will need to be shorter. I think I will just throw in the photos I took this week, and add a bit of commentary about a few things and leave it at that.
On Monday morning I didn't have to start until 10am so I went for a run after dropping Bunnykins. I had a shower and got dressed. My thinking about what I wear during the day has evolved over the week. Monday was different with having the time to run and shower before starting work. I wanted to have some clashing patterns - that made me feel comfortable and confident enough.
(day 2:)
I ended up choosing variations of this one. I needed a black and white version and then for the intranet and Microsoft stuff I chose the second one as it sort of matched the effect that a lot of the professionally taken staff pictures had.
When Woo went back to school on Thursday that was us feeling clear of the self isolation stuff, so Mark and I have been taking advantage of the opportunity to get a lunch time walk which is nice. We're so lucky to have the park on our doorstep.
Friday evening finished with a welcome drinks, which was pleasant but I was so glad to switch off for the weekend and sit down with everyone when it was done. We have been still having tea together but I don't finish until 5:30 - it's really nice of them all to wait for me. Friday evening meals have a much more relaxed and celebratory feel to them. Everyone was on good form.
On Saturday we decided to get out for a bike ride. We had felt a bit cooped up last weekend with Woo self isolating.
Mark had made some muffins and we took a flask of hot chocolate.
It was brill to be out in the fresh air with my TeamChallis 💗.
So anyway, I was ready at 10am. Small bit of I.T. chaos not worth mentioning, but I was then soon onto an induction session with two other new starters.
Much of the day was spent filling in forms, reading through stuff I'd been sent. I tried to take a couple of profile pics, but I wasn't entirely happy.
What struck me was how few people I talked to. My old colleague Curtis (who now works at Anthesis) got in touch and we had a chat in the afternoon which was really nice. From the following days, I got to meet and speak to a lot more people and they were all really lovely. On the Wednesday I joined a trial thing where people from my team just came onto a teams call and left their video and mic on while working. You could just hear the gentle clatter of keyboards. Occasionally a conversation would break out. I asked about a proposal I was writing and everyone was really helpful sending me links and suggesting people to contact.
My evenings have felt different. I have had a couple of nights with more social zoom meetings, and it's lovely to see everyone but I do feel resistance to getting back infront of the computer and have felt that I have had less time to re-charge on these evenings.
And I guess I resent the busyness of work for that. My head is really into the work. It is exciting and interesting. I feel like I can make a difference here. I also feel like I am stretching myself in a really good way. I met with my new boss and the lady I am taking over from and they made it clear that on alot of projects I would be the project director not the project manager. This is new for me. I have always been seen as the top notch project manager. I haven't felt resistance ever to the idea that I could be a director, more from my own lack of ambition in that way really. But here I was - director to a project - indeed I was going to be on a client call that afternoon as the project director. I realised that there was no reason that I couldn't do it, that I was more than capable. It was an opening of my world view and my view of myself. A good thing.
I have been reading and reading with alacrity. I feel such enthusiasm to research and understand the work I am in. I always have tried to kept up to date, but in comparison I think I have been snoozing. So all this enthusiasm and effort focused on my job, alongside me trying to look after myself with breaks and exercise and making sure I am still present for the girls - it is a heightened state. Like a large and definite exhale. But eventually you have to inhale. And now I find myself stressing that I don't have that inhalation time. If my evenings are busy I feel that I am drawing on reserves and that makes me panic a little. I have felt a hardness about me this week, a closing in and less of a desire or ability to connect with others and I think that isn't a good thing for me.
Thursday night was stressful, I had a lovely time with Ben on zoom. We were working on our Christmas song which was a little emotional.
But then there was a long year 6 leavers meeting that got in my head. I had no down time before bed. I couldn't get off to sleep. Then Friday morning Woo was back to school and I was taking her to the bus stop and putting on the slow cooker and before I knew it I was shaking and feeling awful because I had forgotten to eat breakfast and it was now time to take Bunnykins and I was just panicking.
Bunnykins was so lovely, she asked if there was anything she could do to help me get breakfast or anything she could do while I ate. I sat and had a smoothie and started to drift off. Fortunately Bunnykins was soon reminding me to get going again! Fortunately it was Friday, so I felt I could just hang on for the rest of the day.
These photos below are more attempts at profile pics. I guess that is another thing I am having to do, I mean I always do it, but there is fresh pressure now...consider how I present myself to others.
These photos below are more attempts at profile pics. I guess that is another thing I am having to do, I mean I always do it, but there is fresh pressure now...consider how I present myself to others.
I found it really interesting looking through all the pictures of colleagues on the intranet sight how I got an impression of them (good or bad) from their picture. In particular the expression that they had chosen or had been captured by the professional photographer used. Those with a serious face I did feel concerned about contacting to say hello. One of the jobs I had this week was to reach out to certain people and introduce myself and set up meetings. It was an easy thing to do but it felt so hard, I just wanted to curl up and avoid it.
As an aside, one thing I really liked was that Anthesis use a method of personality profile called 5 voices. I don't particularly care how accurate it is but what I was really cheered by was what this signified. It demonstrated a keenness to accept neurodiversity and differences in styles and to really be able to be open about it. I came out as a nurturer/guardian and alot of it made sense. Again, it doesn't really matter but it legitimises my ability to be able to say - this is how I am and I see that is different to you and that is OK. So yeah, my introvert self (as confident as she is) is having a hard time with all this reaching out and external effort and I am worried about lack of time to recharge with some good introverted down time reading, walking and staring at the flowers.
So more pics that I quite liked and played with:
We also moved around the layout of the backroom - mostly in anticipation of a Christmas tree in a few weeks which I can't quite get my head around.
I managed to finish off my book (which was brill and I was so glad still to find some time to read) before some Strictly with smores.
I had a nice quiet weekend which was lovely, with a bit of time outside in the fresh air. Hannah came up to the park on Sunday and we got a coffee and had a walk. However, it was rather busy and we decided to sit a while rather than battle along on the paths. It was lovely to catch up. As much as my introvert self has been challenged this week, connection with my close friends is such an important part of life to me. It was a lovely way to recharge ahead of next week.
I should sign off now and post this. Probably ask Mark to get the fire going and snuggle up with TeamChallis in the front room. Got to take all my opportunities to recharge and feel good.
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